A Line in the Sand (Part 3)
As we close out this series around boundaries, I want to talk about Jesus and the example he set for us in this area. We know that boundaries are biblical and not bad. We know there will be challenges in upholding a boundary when we fear what others will think. We know the importance of caring for ourselves first and foremost, before meeting the needs of others. As we finish out this series, I want to study Jesus and his use of boundaries. The Gospels mention that Jesus often withdrew from crowds. Whether to take time to think, pray, or feel an intense emotion. Whatever the exact reason, Jesus stepped away and needed time to himself.
Luke 5:16
Yet he often withdrew to deserted places and prayed.
How often do we take time to go to God with our frustrations? With our concerns over others and how they are getting on our nerves, or even in the most challenging situations, how many times do we ask God to guide us in dealing with a difficult person who needs a boundary? It’s so easy to run to others and vent for hours on end, only making our anger more prominent. It’s a good feeling to have others on our side, but how often does it do the heavy lifting for us? It’s convicting and a reminder that we need to go to God with our frustrations first. For He alone will speak the wisdom we need to us in handling whatever the situation may be.
As I’ve read more into Jesus’ life, I am drawn to the realization that Jesus had relational issues with Peter and Judas, both of whom were very close to him. Have you had relational issues with anyone close to you recently? We are all human; I don’t know anyone immune to relational issues. Even good, healthy relationships have sources of conflict from time to time. It’s all in how we handle those situations that determines the health of the relationship.
Peter was one of Jesus’ twelve disciples, one of his closest friends. The disciples went everywhere with Jesus and witnessed countless miracles and numerous sermons. As the time neared for Jesus to die on the cross, ending his formal ministry, Peter denied that Jesus was the Christ. Not once, not twice, but three times. Publicly. Was it to maintain his image? Was he scared? Did he give in to those around him and want to stand with the crowd? We don’t know 100% why Peter chose to deny Jesus; we just read that he did it. Jesus knew before Peter did that it would happen, but of course, Peter said it wouldn’t, that he loved Jesus and would never do such a thing. After the third time, Peter wept, knowing just what he had done and how wrong he had been. You can read more about this in Luke chapter twenty-two.
I don’t know about you, but in this life, sometimes those closest to us have the power to hurt us the most. Perhaps it is because they know our hearts. They know us better than a neighbor or a coworker. They know what we like and don’t like. They hold more weight than a stranger in the grocery store. Those closest to us are supposed to love us the most, right? It’s true, their words and actions can hurt worse than anything.
Judas also betrayed Jesus. Also, a disciple, Judas, betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver, the equivalent of about $16,000 in modern labor value. Driven by a desire for greed above anything else, he sold Jesus to the court, leading him quicker down the road toward crucifixion. He was supposed to be a friend, someone to have Jesus’ back.
John 13: 21-30
When Jesus had said this, he was troubled in his spirit and testified, “Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me.” The disciples started looking at one another—uncertain which one he was speaking about. One of his disciples, the one Jesus loved, was reclining close beside Jesus. Simon Peter motioned to him to find out who it was he was talking about. So he leaned back against Jesus and asked him, “Lord, who is it?”
Jesus replied, “He’s the one I give the piece of bread to after I have dipped it.” When he had dipped the bread, he gave it to Judas, Simon Iscariot’s son. After Judas ate the piece of bread, Satan entered him. So Jesus told him, “What you’re doing, do quickly.” None of those reclining at the table knew why he said this to him. Since Judas kept the money-bag, some thought that Jesus was telling him, “Buy what we need for the festival,”or that he should give something to the poor. After receiving the piece of bread, he immediately left. And it was night.
I’m amazed at just these two instances and at the love Jesus still had not only for his disciples but also for all people. Jesus still chose love even when it meant death for him. He chose to foster a relationship with his disciples, even when two of his so-called friends stabbed him in the back. He set out to live by example, rather than give in to the crowd, because he knew why he had been sent to earth. But I must say that Jesus was far from a pushover. He wasn’t a doormat for rude behavior. He didn’t take abuse. He didn’t sit by and allow people to live in chaos without speaking the truth.
Matthew 21: 12-13
Jesus went into the temple and threw out all those buying and selling. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the chairs of those selling doves. He said to them, “It is written, my house will be called a house of prayer, but you are making it a den of thieves!”
I’m encouraged because there are plenty of times in life when I want to speak my mind on a variety of topics. There are times when I do and probably shouldn’t. There are also plenty of times that I am grateful that God has His hand over my mouth, and I do not speak my mind because it would not be appropriate. All of this is to say that boundaries are okay. Boundaries are necessary for essential living, and they are biblical. Nothing wrong with determining how you will live your life and take care of your family, and what or who you will allow in or around your home. God gives us wisdom to know the difference between right and wrong. He gives us the strength to act on our God-given wisdom to take care of our home and create a place in which God’s love can be felt and seen. What happens at home will multiply and affect the world around us.
I’ve been challenged when I think about enabling behavior or about being talked down to or belittled. Do I want to be someone who grows that kind of behavior in the world? Or do I want to be someone who multiplies God’s love and wisdom from my home to my community to the world? I pray that I can be someone who extends God’s love from my home onward. I’m not here on earth to make everyone else happy. I’m not here to just keep on giving and giving and giving, that I have nothing left to give myself or those in my home. I’m not in a place where I can satisfy someone’s addictions or desires when he or she may not be doing much to help themselves. It’s hard to put your foot down and decide you won’t be a doormat for negative behavior or conversation. There will be countless people who will give you their opinion and try to make you feel as if you’re wrong or right. Oftentimes, it gets so confusing that at some point, you just don’t know how to feel anymore.
When you’re in a tough situation or wonder if you need to implement a boundary, whether at home, work, in a friendship, or beyond, can I encourage you first to pray? Ask God boldly for wisdom. No wimpy prayers. Ask Him and believe that He will show up for you and the situation, and give you the wisdom you need. Jesus prayed for his disciples, even those closest to him and who hurt him the most. It’s not easy, but it can be one of the most powerful things you can do for a situation and for someone.
John 17: 9-12, 15-18
“I pray for them. I am not praying for the world but for those you have given me, because they are yours. Everything I have is yours, and everything you have is mine, and I am glorified in them. I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by your name that you have given me, so that they may be one as we are one. While I was with them, I was protecting them by your name that you have given me. I guarded them and not one of them is lost, except the son of destruction, so that the Scripture may be fulfilled.
I am not praying that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I also have sent them into the world.
Be challenged today to extend love, but to also extend boundaries if needed. If you need to have tough conversations, pray for wisdom. Be confident in what you’re saying and set clear boundaries with consequences. Keep your tone calm and promote active listening. It’s okay to park conversations with others if they are getting heated. Choose to formulate healthy living across the board, not only for yourself, but for those you love and care about. It will make a world of difference in the end.
